Shepherd Leadership's second principle centers on how we engage others. It requires we enter the world of others . . . differently.

The effective leader engages others on their terms, not ours.

Most of all, it is not about us. Simple to understand, yes. Hard to practice. It takes real emotional energy and purpose to do this well. I'm still learning. We also accept most others don't reciprocate. As leader we must have the courage to take the risk.

The secret is we engage them on their terms, not ours. We must care about issues important to them, not always ones important to us.

What does it look like at work?

Simple example. When setting up a meeting for the first time with someone, what do we do?

We go to them.

In practical terms if people feel more comfortable meeting in their office we go there. If meeting in an employee break-room is what they prefer, we go there. If an outside venue is appropriate, then maybe the local coffee shop is where we go.

Some people might think they should come to our office. "I have back to back meetings so my office would be the best use of time", they say.

May be true, however a message we send may make our team member feel less valued. For some, always coming to meet us can be a stumbling block in the relationship. If we want people to follow us because they want to, how we choose to engage is critical.

How does ineffective engagement feel?

In short, uncomfortable and awkward.

So, let me give you an example of what happens when people enter our lives the wrong way. It can occur when individuals with authority ask us personal questions when we aren't ready. Because they asked, we feel compelled. This is an art that mangers navigate and is not easy. Most want to establish rapport with you, but they haven't quite found an authentic way towards connecting. Has that ever happened to you?

When we do feel compelled to talk and feel unsettled deep inside comes as a result when we have not been engaged on our terms.

People leaders have work to do here. More empathy in avoiding making others feel uncomfortable. Our suggestion is take more time before getting too personal.

You might be wondering, shouldn't they care about us too? Possibly. But that is not the point of effective engagement.

The practice of effective engagement simplified

For engagement to have a chance, we must listen and respect the other person. When we do this, especially in our early encounters, it may feel very one sided. Lead with curiosity and in the time you have together let them take you on a journey. Their journey. No expectations of where the conversation might go, just enjoy the ride.

Honestly, don't we all need to do better in how we engage others?

Can we do this differently? People need us more than ever.

We can. We can do this by giving them the gift of our eyes, our ears, and our heart. We must really want to know about them and to do that we have to get to know them personally as they are willing to share. Here some thoughts to consider as you think about how to engage others on their terms.

• Understand what they like

• Listen for their needs

• Respect their point of view

• Observe what they are good at

• Activate their special talents

• Ask for their advice

What if I don't?

You might be thinking, "You don't understand, I don't have time to do that with all of my people, we got a lot of work to do."

I humbly suggest more reflection is in order for those who lead. Instead, could we ask ourselves honestly, how many people want to follow me versus those who must.

Conclusion

An empathetic leader goes where their people are. One on one engagement on their terms. Engaging the right way is the prerequisite in become a leader others trust.

Our people are waiting for us to enter their world. How will you do it?

Mark Goulston’s book “Just Listen” may be an important book for your library and leadership practice. Check it out by clicking HERE.

Did you know?

Shepherding can work in every domain of our lives (family, work, community, and in our self-improvement). Entering the world of others on their terms is especially effective at home and with our loved ones. Try entering a conversation, not expecting to get anything out of it and see where it goes. We all (me especially) have trouble listening, but with my commitment and practice I am improving. So can you.